New role reality check

What Actually Happens When You Try to Build Leadership Habits in a New Role

Three months ago, we both started new leadership roles.

Lyndsey moved countries and is now leading a team on a seven-hour time difference—effectively a whole working day apart.

Briony navigated an international move with her family (kids really struggling with the transition, multiple house moves, trying to buy property) while starting a new transformation role where she had to prove herself as a completely unknown quantity.

Before we started, we each identified 4 key habits and routines to implement from day one.

Not just focusing on WHAT we needed to deliver, but HOW we wanted to show up as leaders.

Because here's what we've learned: If you don't establish these foundations early, you end up six months in trying to reverse-engineer yourself into a comfortable place—already burned out and having lost your authentic leadership style.

It's really easy when you start a new team or new organization to just want to assimilate, right? You want to land well. You want to be liked. Your human instinct is to fit in.

But that very quickly leads to burnout. You end up six months in trying to undo all this stuff, and people are confused because suddenly you're a whole other person. When actually, you were never a whole other person—you were just pretending to be someone else.

That's why these habits and routines matter.

So today, we're doing something a bit different. We're doing a raw, honest, vulnerable check-in on how those habits actually held up in reality.

No sugar-coating. No "everything's perfect." Just two leaders reflecting on what worked, what was way harder than expected, and what we learned.

Lyndsey's Reality: Leading on a 7-Hour Time Difference

Habit #1: Radical Transparency About Remote Work

The commitment: Be very transparent about how I'm spending my day and what I'm working on. Send regular updates to my team and wider department about my approach and progress.

The reality: I do this consistently. I send out informal emails regularly explaining what I'm doing and why.

The uncomfortable part: I get zero response. Like, actually zero. Nine times out of ten, silence.

I'm sitting alone in a different country sending these updates into the void. If I were in the same office, maybe there'd be chatter. But there's not. And that vulnerability—sending transparency into silence—is genuinely uncomfortable.

The learning: I need to ask for feedback explicitly. "My commitment is to be visible to you. Am I meeting that? I need you to respond—even just one sentence or ask a question about something I've shared. That would help me feel seen."

You shouldn't have to tell people these things, but sometimes you need that two-way feedback explicitly requested.

Habit #2: Building Psychological Safety Over Quick Wins

The commitment: Prioritize psychological safety in the first month, even if it means slower delivery.

The reality: I've been very honest in my transparent updates that people might not be seeing the rate of delivery they wanted in month one because better delivery will come when we've built genuine psychological safety.

The uncomfortable truth: Psychological safety doesn't exist in this team. And no one's willing to admit it.

There's a lot of "Oh, this is a safe team, you can speak up"—but when you have to SAY that, it tells you something, doesn't it?

My approach: I'm gathering data. In meetings, I'm noting in my notebook: How many people are asking questions? Any challenge? They're very silent meetings.

And I'm being the person who asks "why" a lot. Intentionally. Purposefully. Trying to understand why people aren't showing up with their best ideas. Because I can see there's so much more to give.

This is going to be a constant theme throughout this role, but it was crucial to establish from the beginning.

Habit #3: Ruthless Boundaries (And Efficiency)

The commitment: With only a small overlap window with my UK-based team, set ruthless boundaries around time.

The reality: I've become the person who puts 10-minute meetings in people's calendars.

The default Outlook setting is 30 minutes. But I don't need 30 minutes. I can have four conversations in that time.

My process:

• End of my day (or during my day), I write to people: "This is what we want to discuss tomorrow. Can you come prepared? We need to discuss these things, but you need to do the prep work first."

• People who are more reflective, who don't think in the moment, can do all that prep

• They come to the meeting prepared

• If there's one thorny thing that needs 5-10 minutes of actual discussion, that's what we use the meeting time for

• Rest of it can be an email

The response: People try to put time in my diary to discuss things. I reply: "I think that can be an email. If there's anything in the email we need to pick up to discuss, I'll put time in your diary."

It's utterly ruthless, but it's so efficient.

My secret motivation: There are haters. People who want to see me fail. People who are already saying "told you it wouldn't work remotely."

And I'm determined to prove that I'm MORE effective on a 7-hour time difference than most people on the same time zone.

Habit #4: Managing Energy, Not Just Time

The commitment: Figure out how to have energy for my team when they log on in my afternoon (when I'm usually winding down).

The initial reality: First couple of weeks were very lonely. By the time the UK logged on, I was already looking at the clock thinking about dinner time, bath time. I wasn't giving my best.

The solution: I've "chunked" my day differently now.

I save certain tasks—energizing tasks, things that bring me joy, work-related things that are fun—for the hour before the UK logs on. So when they do come online, I have the energy for those conversations.

The unexpected benefit: The shorter meetings themselves give me energy.

When you look at your calendar and see a 2-hour meeting, you're immediately drained. But when it's speed-dating with your team in 10-minute increments? That's energizing.

I'm leaving at the end of each day thinking: "I've just achieved loads in the last couple of hours since the UK came in, AND I had most of the rest of the day for proper deep thinking time."

The principle: Give people less time and they're more efficient. Give someone a week to do a task vs. a day—they'll do it in the day.

Briony's Reality: Proving Yourself While Being Yourself

Habit #1: Being Authentic Briony from Day One

The commitment: Show up as myself from day one. Not corporate Briony, not watered-down Briony. Just Briony.

How I've done: Pretty well. People absolutely know who I am, what I stand for, and how I operate. Mission accomplished.

What I didn't expect: How vulnerable, hard, and emotionally draining it would be.

I'm fairly confident in who I am as a leader and why I was recruited. But being completely new in a completely new organization, leading a big piece of work—that's hard.

Week 3 wobble: I had a massive wobble. I really noticed myself retreating. Not speaking up in meetings. When I thought something was off, staying quiet instead of saying it.

Week 3 was just... hard.

The self-compassion: I tried to give myself grace. "Of course you're finding this hard. Give yourself this week. Don't set a standard that's unreasonable to attain right now—it will push you over the edge."

(And that, Lyndsey will tell you, is progress for me.)

The encouragement that helped: A friend said, "Think of yourself as the rhino. You're plowing through this organization being your authentic self and you bring so much magic."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. From mid-week 4, I picked myself back up: "I'm here for a reason. They gave me this job for a reason. I'm going to show up as myself."

The reality: It ebbs and flows every single day. But the goal was for people to know who I am and what I stand for—no big reveal later, no surprises. I've absolutely done that.

Habit #2: Daily Reflection Practice

The commitment: Safeguard the last 10-15 minutes of every day for reflection.

My innovation: I bought a beautiful new notebook (any excuse for new stationery!) and used AI to generate 100 reflection questions for leaders.

Why AI: When I ask myself the same questions every day, it becomes a checkbox activity. It doesn't actually serve the purpose of genuine thinking.

Now I pick 2 different questions from the list each day. It keeps it fresh.

Why it matters: Particularly when you're in a completely new environment, you need space to decompress and think through what you've observed.

In the day, you're just trying to keep up with new acronyms, new people you're meeting. Giving yourself time to pause and ask "what do I want to do with this data?" is invaluable.

My rate: I do this 4 days out of 5, which I consider a good success rate.

The bigger benefit: It helps me understand how to best show up as leader of THIS team in THIS moment with THESE challenges—not make assumptions based on what worked with my old team.

Leadership is an adaptive practice. This reflection helps me adapt.

Habit #3: Protecting My Resilience

How I'm doing: I'm giving myself a gold star because I've done the best I could in the circumstances.

The brutal honesty: The last few months have been some of the most challenging of my life.

And a lot of that isn't the work stuff.

It's the fact that we just did this big international move. The children have found it really, really hard—they have not taken kindly to being back in the UK. New school. Multiple rental moves. Trying to buy a house. All the admin of moving your life from one country to another.

And then I thought: Obviously it's a good time to start a new job. In a new career. While slightly regretting my life choices.

The hardest part: I've gone from a workplace where everybody knew who Briony was, what she stood for, what you got when you got Briony on your team. I'd built up credibility through good work.

It's not that people don't think I'm credible in my new place. They just don't know me. I'm an unknown quantity.

Having to show up vulnerable while also trying to be the best version of yourself and feeling like you have to prove yourself? It's exhausting.

What I've maintained:

• Exercise every day

• Daily reflection

• Getting outside for walks

• Trying to eat healthily (not done so well—eating more sugar, which is a telltale stress sign for me)

• Sleep isn't as good as it was

The boundaries I've set:

• Unless something awful is happening, I stop work at a specific time to go be a mum

• After being a mum, I need time just for me

• In that hour before bed, I ask: "What would feel restful?"

What's been restful: Letting myself binge-watch TV (I never do that, Lyndsey will tell you). Taking long baths. The things that actually restore me, not what I think "should" restore me.

The perspective: This is a season of life. It won't be forever. I'm really hoping it's just a season.

Habit #4: Prioritizing One-to-Ones

The commitment: Make one-to-ones a priority from day one.

What I did well: Had initial one-to-ones with all direct reports. We also had quarterly performance reviews in the first couple weeks. So I spent good time with each person individually, both informal and formal. That was great.

The challenge: Because it's been so hectic (shout-out to my amazing PA Laura who's changing my life—if they take her away, I will leave), I haven't been able to put in regular formal one-to-ones yet.

My adaptation: I took one of the strategies from our recent "getting back on track with one-to-ones" episode: Do the 15-minute version.

Instead of waiting for the perfect 30-minute formal slot that never materializes, I've reframed what one-to-ones mean.

What this looks like in practice:

• Anytime I need to call someone about a work task, I call instead of email

• We spend 5 minutes on the task, then I ask "What else have you got for me?"

• Gives them a chance to tell me what's on their mind or problem-solve together

• Mini one-to-ones

• I also keep in touch over Teams, send messages

The result: Although I haven't had the formal time blocked, I AM genuinely connected. I feel like I know them all quite well and have good relationships.

The lesson: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

If I'd waited for perfect time, I wouldn't have had any one-to-ones because things have been so busy and I can't find those 30-minute slots.

But doing the 10-minute version, calling them three times a week just to check in about a genuine task and then asking another question that gives them a chance to tell me something—that works.

I've intentionally looked for opportunities in the moments I'm already connecting with my team, rather than saying "I can't do any one-to-ones this month because it's too hectic."

The Bigger Lessons

1. Habits will ebb and flow It's not a gradual increase to "full power mode." Some days and weeks will be harder than others. Week 3 might bring a wobble. That's normal.

2. Being yourself is genuinely vulnerable Even when you're confident in who you are as a leader, showing up authentically in a new environment where you're an unknown quantity is emotionally draining.

3. Adaptation is a leadership superpower When something's not working (energy management, one-to-one format), reflect and adjust rather than abandoning the habit entirely.

4. You have to take control No one else is going to solve these things for you. Do what works best for YOU. It will be different for everyone.

5. Consistency matters more than perfection Doing the 10-minute version is infinitely better than waiting for the perfect 30-minute slot that never comes.

Your Challenge

We hope you found it helpful to hear us honestly and vulnerably reflect on how we've lived up to the habits and routines we wanted to set up in our new roles.

Here's our encouragement for you:

What are the 2 habits or routines you need to start THIS WEEK that will carry you from mid-November all the way through to Christmas?

Not 10 habits. Two.

Start small. Build from there.

Download our free "Walk the Week" planner at leadtheroom.co.uk or find us on Instagram @leadtheroomcoaching to help you embed these habits into your daily life and master your calendar rather than letting it rule you.

DM us on Instagram or email hello@leadtheroom.co.uk to tell us what resonated and what habits you're picking up.

We'd love to hear from you.